Ruminating

I posted goals yesterday! I thought I'd expand on them today.

• Go to the pool twice this week

I need to find two days where there aren't appointments or other obligations and just suck it up and GO. I'm very good at making excuses about this one...I'm not comfortable in my swimsuit, I don't feel well, I'm too tired...it's neverENDING. Seriously, Sword...just do it.

• Develop a healthy eating plan

This is primarily going to be getting back into SparkPeople.com and re-familiarizing myself with the features and the boards. I'd also like to find a couple of supportive teams to join. And finally, I need to start tracking my food. For now I'm just going to track what I normally eat without worrying about conforming to nutrition goals, but hopefully next week I'll step up to that. For now...just watching.

• Drink only calorie-free beverages

Well, yeah. I mean, obviously no more milk...really, I could cry. I might be crying right now! Fortunately, Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi is delicious, and I have access to filtered water and several cases of Sobe Lifewater. If I'm careful, this one should be a cinch. No more milk...

• Clean my room

There are no tricks to this one. It just has to be done. I think I'll go in order: dishes, trash, laundry, desk, bed, vacuum, cat box, frog tank, dust. It seems like a logical progression I can easily follow. It'll be nice to have my space clean; I always feel better when things are tidy. And boy, do I need to feel better.

Those are four really important goals that will require some effort, but I think it's doable. I think these things will help improve my mental health, too, which is dangerously close to ...well, dangerous. I'll try anything once! Some things I'll try 3 or 4 times.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with Dr. C. I was worried about it yesterday; I'm more worried about it now. I'm really feeling disconnected and numb. Even my worry is dull and distant. I think I'll take K's suggestion to write down bullet points of things that need to be discussed and take my mom in with me so things get accomplished, even if I haven't started giving a shit by morning.

A huge thanks to D for being wonderful and M for being practical and supportive and generally awesome. I have amazing friends.